Still figuring it all out

Sweet thing about this last day of 2011

Yesterday we bought a super cool baby backpack for Dear Old Dad to carry Firstborn in. I think I could even use it if I wanted because the waist band is not necessary. (My big ole belly does not let me use the beloved Moby wrap any longer but Donald/Dawnald will live in it because I am a firm believer in babywearing.)

Today we used up a BOGO coupon at a local italian restaraunt for lunch and then went walking on the local greenway a bit. Firstborn really loves the backpack. He grinned at passersby, and loved gripping the hair on the back of Dear Old Dad's head (it was very cute). And then Firstborn fell asleep on our walk, resting his head directly on Dear Old Dad's back between the straps, hands dangling at his sides and looking sweet as always. (Its hard to think of anything more precious than a sleeping baby.) 

About an hour ago, Dear Old Dad told me that having Firstborn sleep on him in that backpack while we walked was The Best Thing In the World. 

I agree. Happy New Year.

Life List

On my most recent blog hiatus, I learned about writing a life list and I loved the idea. Here's mine. It's a work in progress.

OK, now here's a real update

In sort-of list form. Because I love lists.

Yay this. Gleaned from The Evil FB.

I got my first B in a class this previous semester. I could have probably earned an A if I wanted to speak the prof's weird statisticksy language but I don't because it isn't logical. Its ok because I got an A- in the stats class that I missed the 2nd half of because Firstborn was a month early. I can still qualify for the GTA later with my gpa as-is. I am not sure if I can get a job teaching real college courses because I don't have a master's degree yet, but I think I can get in for remedial classes. But now I really really want to teach GED classes. But most likely none of these things will happen in 2012. A tutor's life for me for a while. 

Yesterday I super-cleaned the floors that Firstborn regularly crawls on by getting on my hands and knees and really wiping the floors. Dumb, I know. I have a huge pregnant belly already and I am 17 weeks pregnant. My back screamed at me the rest of the day. While I fumed about how dirty I let my house get I was trying to decide which would be cheaper or worth the sanity trade-off - having a cleaning lady come once a month or find a parents day out program twice per week. I hate cleaning the most, and my second hate is somebody other than me raising my kid during the day even if it is only 8-10 hours per week. So it is probably time for hunting a cleaning lady.

Firstborn crawls, claps, waves, pulls up on stuff, says da-da, ma-ma and ba-ba and loves to feed himself. I think I might be doing baby food for too long and need to give him more table food but haven't found a groove with that yet. This week has been Adventures in Snotty-ness and Stomach Viruses for the 3 of us so everything is up in the air.

A few months back I wrote about the dark cave and a good friend who came over while I was really upset and cheered me up. She is the one who was most upset about my sudden second pregnancy and I had to back off and not hang out with her for a few months. I had lunch with her a few weeks ago and we might go hang out next month at a baby-friendly science museum. I miss her. But I also need to be careful to not talk pregnancy around her unless she asks. We can certainly stick to raising boys.

Three of my other friends from the infertility support group are pregnant. Two for the 2nd time. One of them has just one ovary and she did embryo adoption for her firstborn and we're due at the same time for our secondborns. Another had twins from IVF and just suddenly got pregnant depite pcos. And a third is pregnant for the first time with twin boys after egg donor. And then I have 2 friends on The Evil FB from my 2 previous careers who are also pregnant. 

I'm feeling like this one is a girl, but I am fine with either gender. I really wanted Firstborn to be a boy and I got what I wanted then, so I'm very laid back about it now. My sister-in-law told me last night that I am having a girl because I am carrying this one higher than I did Firstborn. She had 4 girls herself and a stillborn boy so I guess she would know.

I'm pretty excited about 2012. 2011 was Metamorphosis into Mom. And 2012 will be Full Time Mom. I'm still kind of scared about what to do with Firstborn getting into everything and actually breastfeeding/nursing Donald/Dawnald. But I also feel like I know I can handle it because for some reason this was meant to be. I also know that next year I need to find more things to do with my time than stew over the Evil FB.

It might be time to jump back in the pool - I do like the childcare at the gym and they like Firstborn.  My round ligament pain and back are screaming at me even if I walk a fast-paced mile. But I need to get out of the house. And I am finding some good crock pot recipes on Pinterest, things I can put together into a freezer bag and then throw into the crock pot another day. So, I want to do more things like that. And maybe share the love here. So that was my resolutiony part of this post. 

An hour ago I told Dear Old Dad that we better get moving to showers, etc while Firstborn is taking his nap and I am still sitting here typing on the blog. It might be time to go. It sure has been nice to have him around at home this week . That might be where my confidence came from. 

Have a beautiful 2nd to last day of 2011. Happy 9 months, Firstborn.

The Characters of this here blog

Me - A former high school math teacher who was even prior to that a cubicle jockey in a field not worth explaining. After 3 years of infertility, finding a great support group and almost becoming a foster parent I have had 2 pregnancies in 2 years.  I have a half-completed master's degree in Mathematics. I knit, sometimes tutor, hate cleaning my house, have aspirations to cook healthy foods without taking the time to do it, am addicted to the Evil FB and Pinterest and am shy. And I take Zoloft. And I can't let my kid cry it out so I can sleep all night. And I don't want to know if you think that's bad. It is my life and I'm ok with it.

Dear Old Dad - my husband and bff. We got married October 6, 2001. I can't imagine life without him and he keeps me sane. He is much smarter than me.

Firstborn - my son, born March 30, 2011 after 3 years of mostly unexplained infertility. He has completely rocked my world. I have also referred to him as The Baby Who is Already Here, Dear Baby, and many other mostly endearing things, especially in posts before today.

Donald - my second child, due early June 2012. This is what Dear Old Dad and I affectionately call him/her. We don't know yet if Donald is a him or her yet. If it turns out to be a her, she will be Dawnald. This is probably only funny to us, but that is his/her name here from now on. Oh, I got pregnant with Donald/Dawnald 5 months after Firstborn was born because I was still a firm believer in my infertility and laughed when my Arrival Specialist asked me what kind of birth control I would be using at my last post-natal appointment from Firstborn.

Arrival Specialist - my OBGYN. I just like him. Since this is currently a pregnancy/mommy/infertility blog he comes up once in a while. I started seeing him after I got pregnant with Firstborn.

The Evil FB - Facebook, which I love and hate. I just can't quit it. One of my loyal readers did and I really admire her for it, but I just can't do it at this point in my life.

 

The Return

I just read my last half-dozen posts or so and realized they spanned over 6 months. I know in my last few posts I said I was going to beef up this blog after a hiatus to finish my semester. Well, the Firstborn is 9 months old today, and I finished my semester 3+ weeks ago. I was all gung-ho about blogging again until I sort of burned myself with a status update on The Evil FB.  In the update I bragged that Firstborn "likes popcorn, claps, crawls and pulls up on stuff". The first comment, which was almost immediate, came from someone who has given me some odd conflicts over the last year but is also the leader of the infertility support group (but not present at the playdates). She left a doomsday comment that babies can choke and die when they eat popcorn and there's nothing you can do about it. I immediately felt like The Worst Mom in The World. And then 5 minutes later she left a shorter "oh and yay for crawling". Other friends left encouraging comments celebrating his milestones and I left a defensive comment saying that I fed him only teeny white parts of popcorn without kernels. Then my mother-in-law left a comment defending me that I'm a good mom and would never do something that would harm my kid. The wise Dear Old Dad told me that I should expect that kind of stuff if I put myself out there on the internet, and I know he has a point. I considered unfriending the rude-ish infertility leader, but just couldn't do it because of my forever gratitude for the group (even though I really don't belong in it now). And I really thought about quitting the blog.

But last night, with my bouts of insomnia which I blame on watching Dexter, I thought about the history I have on this blog and realized I can't just stop it. I thought of padcicles in that post right after I delivered Firstborn, and all of the angry ranting about infertility and how far I've come. I know I haven't shared everything on this blog but the past is important and this has been my journal. I used to be great at journaling on paper, but now not so much. My handwriting just annoys me and I feel like my thoughts come down much faster with typing. Today I was talking to Dear Old Dad about blogging and he pointed out that I don't have to have lots of readers and I can just sort of document my week/month/year like another blogger he reads. He said this other blogger also documents what she learned in different experiences with her work. That seems so valuable to me. So I'm still here. And I might increase my readership from 2 to 5 people, but I am not advertising myself to the Evil FB quite yet and maybe never.  

That Dear Old Dad, he is just so wise. I'm so lucky to have him. 

So this is one of many posts for my return. I feel the need to explain the characters on the blog and then I will post a real update on my life